The Return of Dreams
I'm not referring to dreams like the dream of getting a gold medal in the Olympics. I gave up on that one a long time ago. No, I mean the nocturnal slumber variety. Freud fodder.
For a relatively long recent time it seemed that I wasn't dreaming at night, or at least not remembering them. Which for me is a strange thing because I've always had a rich dream life. Dreaming practically every night with almost no nightmares, just weird associations, locations, and events. For some reason the one topic I dream of more than any other is Ultimate Frisbee. I have frequent dreams involving the game.
But it's nice to have them return after a dry spell. As should be no surprise, they've been populated strongly by male characters: a threatening thug, a bumbling work buddy attempting to impress his lady boss by taking off his sport shirt revealing a typical middle age belly rippling with fat, bulging over his waistline. What's that about?
The thug is a bit easier to place in my mental hierarchy. His shirtless torso was much more impressive. Tattooed of course. His face was lean and stubbly. It was a brief encounter. As is often the case in dreams he materialized, was recognized as a frightening symbol and then disappeared. I seem to recall him being between me and my family. Threatening them somehow. I understand a popular technique for dream interpretation is to assume that each character is a version of the dreamer. And I do indeed fear the raw animal male inside me. Or if I do not fear him, I try to ignore him. I am a peaceful man. Sex is an inconvenient hunger. I am above that level. But what I fail to realize is that I cannot be above that level without incorporating it into the higher. To deny it is to give it power. The question then becomes: how do I express the angry raw male in a socially acceptable way? Certainly sports is one way. Maybe that explains the Ultimate Frisbee dreams. But I doubt it. Those seem to be more about socializing and community than wild man expressionism.
So that remains a challenge for me in this adventure. It seems a bit obvious to attribute my discomfort to the chaos in my life at the time I was moving from boy to man. And even if so, where does that get me towards resolving the tension. How do I learn to accept all of me, including the angry tattooed thug?
For a relatively long recent time it seemed that I wasn't dreaming at night, or at least not remembering them. Which for me is a strange thing because I've always had a rich dream life. Dreaming practically every night with almost no nightmares, just weird associations, locations, and events. For some reason the one topic I dream of more than any other is Ultimate Frisbee. I have frequent dreams involving the game.
But it's nice to have them return after a dry spell. As should be no surprise, they've been populated strongly by male characters: a threatening thug, a bumbling work buddy attempting to impress his lady boss by taking off his sport shirt revealing a typical middle age belly rippling with fat, bulging over his waistline. What's that about?
The thug is a bit easier to place in my mental hierarchy. His shirtless torso was much more impressive. Tattooed of course. His face was lean and stubbly. It was a brief encounter. As is often the case in dreams he materialized, was recognized as a frightening symbol and then disappeared. I seem to recall him being between me and my family. Threatening them somehow. I understand a popular technique for dream interpretation is to assume that each character is a version of the dreamer. And I do indeed fear the raw animal male inside me. Or if I do not fear him, I try to ignore him. I am a peaceful man. Sex is an inconvenient hunger. I am above that level. But what I fail to realize is that I cannot be above that level without incorporating it into the higher. To deny it is to give it power. The question then becomes: how do I express the angry raw male in a socially acceptable way? Certainly sports is one way. Maybe that explains the Ultimate Frisbee dreams. But I doubt it. Those seem to be more about socializing and community than wild man expressionism.
So that remains a challenge for me in this adventure. It seems a bit obvious to attribute my discomfort to the chaos in my life at the time I was moving from boy to man. And even if so, where does that get me towards resolving the tension. How do I learn to accept all of me, including the angry tattooed thug?
posted by chanthing at
8:11 PM
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